Sound Bites
by Kaijo
Summary: Nanoha convinces Fate to help with an unusual fundraiser, in order to help poor, young war orphans. Won't someone please think of the children?


**Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha**

**Sound Bites**

Xx~~*~~xX

"You want me to WHAT!" Fate asked, incredulous, not sure if she heard it right.

"It's for the children, Fate-chan!" Nanoha insisted. "Because of the recent civil war on Orussia, there have been a lot of war orphans. In order to raise money, someone in the Bureau suggested it might be a good idea to set up a phone sex line for people to talk to their favorite mages. It was voted as the one fundraiser that would raise the most amount of money."

Fate's eyes bulged. "You want me to... talk sexy to strangers on the phone?"

Nanoha smiled pleasantly. "It's not as bad as you think; it's actually a lot of fun! Hayate organized it, and we've been doing it for the past few days. I was waiting for you to come back from your latest assignment to ask you to join us. Just think of all those poor war orphans you'll be helping..."

"Is that what those two are?" Fate questioned, her eyes shifting to the pair of children.

"Aren't they lovely?" Nanoha beamed, placing hands on their shoulders. "I'm showing them around and treating them as part of the program!"

"Thank you ever so much, miss, it's been ever so cold and lonely since daddy died," the young 8-year-old boy said sadly, a patch over his right eye, his left arm in a sling, and his right arm grasping a crutch to keep weight off his gimpy right leg. "And although mommy said she would eventually come back after she left with all those nice men who were about to become her boyfriends, it's been over two years now."

"B-brother says that if this works, we can afford a sock for my left foot, too!" the young 7-year-old girl in the dirty and ragged dress next to him added happily, holding onto his shirt.

He turned to smile at his sister. "We can probably even have the other half of the can of beans for a _second_ meal during the day, too!"

Her eyes quivered in a delightful daydream, while her mouth began to water. "R-Really? I'm so happy!"

"...Okay, I'll do it," Fate conceded at least, hanging her head and wiping a tear from her eye.

The children cheered as Nanoha hugged Fate in joy.

x~~*~~x

Fate estimated there to be at least fifty booths in various rows and columns spread out among the large room, and despite the various glances of people she could partially see within them, it was amazingly quiet. The only other thing of interest was the banner noting the name of the department as "Riot Force Sex." For some reason, Fate had suspicions that Hayate might have been behind that particular name.

"This is the call center?" she questioned, curious.

Nanoha nodded. "I can tell you a bit, but Hayate is better at explaining. She's over here."

Fate followed as Nanoha led her over to a corner cubicle-like booth with high walls. She saw Hayate talking, but it wasn't until she actually entered that she heard sound.

"...and thank you so much for calling, you take care now!" the woman was saying with a smile, then reached out to hit a pause button on the green holographic screen in front of her. "Ah, Nanoha, you did get Fate to come!"

"She wanted to help the children, just like we did!" Nanoha told her. "I thought you could help explain how this works."

"Sure, it's very easy and straightforward," Hayate replied, nodding. "These are specially-designed booths that magically block sound both ways, so no one else can hear you. Each person's booth is tuned to their voice, so even though you can hear the caller, the caller can only hear you, even if other people are talking. You simply log in with your name, select the various fetishes you feel comfortable handling, and when someone calls 1-900-HOT-ACES, the system will route them to the next appropriate person who matches the fetishes they selected!"

"Fetishes?" Fate inquired, growing nervous again.

"It's nothing too bad," Hayate soothed, showing her screen. "For instance, there is 'same gender' and 'personal details' as well as 'animal fun'! You only select what you are comfortable with, as I said. Only answer personal details you feel you can give out, and if they ask you to do something, just say you are doing it without actually doing it, understand? It's audio only, no video."

Fate nodded absently, feeling a bit out of place. "I... think so."

"Why don't you watch me take a couple of calls to get a better idea?" Hayate suggested, reaching out to hit the pause button on her screen again to resume. In moments, her screen changed, indicating a call had come through and Fate was struck by how Hayate's voice dropped into a more sexy tone. "Hello there, and thank you for calling 1-900-HOT-ACES. I'm Hayate Yagami, and I'll be your host today. How may I be of service to you?"

"H-hi, I'm... John," came the nervous-sounding male voice. "W-what are you wearing right now?"

"Oooh, right now?" Hayate asked in an innocent-yet-sultry tone. "I'm wearing my old Section Six military uniform, which consists of a cotton fabric white shirt and black tie, overlaid by an auburn polyester coat that has a darker brown shoulder pattern. Moving down, my auburn miniskirt ends about 10 centimeters above my knees and snugly grips my white pantyhose-covered legs, with a pair of brown loafers I slip my feet into. I also have a light-blue lace bra with matching panties underneath. And what are you wearing today?"

"Uh, um, jeans, boxer shorts, and a t-shirt," he answered, a bit lamely.

"Hmm, that's not good," Hayate replied. "We'll first start by slipping that t-shirt off, and then sliding those jeans off your legs..."

There was some rustling sounds, and then he spoke again after a moment. "Uh, okay, done!"

Hayate beamed. "Good! Now, from the sound of your voice, I think I can slip a nice pair of cotton chestnut khaki's up your legs, zipping them up and then buttoning them carefully."

"Oooh, yeess," John intoned.

"Sliding a black leather belt through the hoops, buckling it at the fourth notch now," Hayate continued. "And then I'll slip a nice dark green tank-top over your chest tenderly, followed by a light hazel combat coat, that I only zip up halfway to leave a bit of your chest and tank-top exposed."

"Nnnnn, oh god..." the male caller moaned.

"Lastly, I can add a pair of silver-dog tags around your neck, slip a pair of rough, dark-brown combat boots onto your feet, and then top it all off by placing a green beret delicately and enticingly on your head," Hayate finished up.

And so did John, apparently. "Aaaaaaaahhh YEEEESSS!"

"I hope you had a good time today," Hayate said pleasantly with a smile after a few moments of heavy breathing. "Feel free to call again another time."

"T-thank you!" came the reply, and then the line was hung up.

Hayate turned towards her guests after hitting the pause button again. "So, what did you think? Pretty easy, right?"

Fate worked her jaw up and down several times, but no sound came out.

"I think she's impressed, Hayate-chan!" Nanoha translated, smiling "Should I take her to her booth now?"

"Some of my family is here as well, and you can take her to listen in on them as well, to get a better idea," Hayate suggested. "I've already told them they should let Fate observe."

Nanoha grabbed the unresponsive woman's hand and began pulling her out. "Will do, thank you!"

Hayate waved as Fate found herself dragged back out into silence, managing to walk as Nanoha led her to the next booth, causing Fate to blink in surprise as she entered.

"Signum?" Fate questioned.

Apparently, she was in the middle of a call. "I dash forward, thrusting my sword forward!"

"Ooh, I dance out of the way, slicing back with my own blade, cutting the front of your barrier jacket open to expose your chest, and delighting at the sight!" the confident sounding male on the other end enthused.

"A true warrior does let mere frontal nudity stop her," Signum growled back. "Levantine!"

"_Schlangenform_!" her device chirped, although it didn't actually do anything as it was still in mini-mode around her neck.

"I whip out my sword in snake form, twirling it around your legs and body, pinning your arms to your side!" the Belkan Knight declared. "I have you now!"

"Oh, I'm captured!" the man remarked fearfully, but with a lusty undertone. "What will you do with me now? I am at your mercy!"

Signum thought about it. "Perhaps I should punish you for failing to evade my attack!"

"Oh yes, punish me, I'm a bad boy!" her caller insisted, moaning a bit between words.

"Levantine, increase pressure and squeeze!" Signum ordered, which caused the male on the line to descend into convulsions. "I hope you have learned your lesson now."

"Oh, I have," the man replied in a relieved tone. "Believe me, I have. A lot. Thank you for your lesson!"

"Another time, then," she said, signing off and hitting her pause button.

"S-Signum!" Fate finally managed to say. "W-what in the world..."

"Ah, Testarossa, Hayate said you might be coming by today," the Belkan warrior greeted with a small smile. "Although I do not fully understand this, it appears I can help train warriors with just words, as well as raise money for children. It is most perplexing, but I am just glad to assist. If you are joining us, then we can train that many more warriors! Good luck to you!"

Fate found her right hand being shook a bit roughly by the Wolkenritter Commander. "Th-thanks, you too! I think..."

In a daze, she barely had time to wave before she was pulled out and over to the next booth, trying to wrap her mind around this. [Think of the children, Fate. It's all for the children.]

"...Naughty Nurse Shamal, how can I make you feel better?" came the voice of the next agent.

Fate blinked at the white nurse outfit, and combined with her sultry nurse tone, she was beginning to think this might be a bit more... normal. Which was somehow both more and less assuring.

"Well, nurse, I'm an Enforcer who just got back from a nasty battle, and I hurt all over," the man complained.

"Oh dear, we can't have that!" Shamal told him. "Why don't we get you out of your armor and clothes, so I can give you a full body checkup?"

After a moment of rustling, he replied, "There, everything is off..."

"Hmm, you are quite the dirty mage, aren't you?" Shamal admonished.

"Oh yes, I'm dirty, very dirty," he said, apologetic, kind of.

"Well, then, there is only one thing to do: give you a sponge bath!" she declared happily. "And I'm going to be using a _very_ small sponge... I'm getting it all wet now..."

"Oh yes, tell me where you put it... please..." he nearly begged.

"Once we get you in the small tub, I start at the top, wiping your forehead and cheeks, then sloooowllllly move down around your neck," Shamal dictated in a tone that Fate found oddly disturbing, and yet oddly arousing at the same time.

The caller found that rather nice. "Unnnh, oh man..."

"Taking a moment to ring out my tiny sponge, I return to your broad shoulders, moving down your back, making sure to get every single spot clean and wet," the doctor continued. "Then, I tenderly and slowy move my sponge teasingly right down your spine to your..."

"Aaaaahh!" the man interrupted her.

"Naughty boy, we'll have to get a new tub now, won't we?" Shamal scolded him.

"S-sorry..." he replied. "But, y-you're just too good..."

She giggled, then sighed. "I know, well, have a nice day, and feel free to stop by for another checkup!"

"They don't... last too long, do they?" Fate questioned as the man hung up, feeling a bit numb.

Shamal sighed again with regret. "No, sadly, they don't, but they are so cute that way, and it makes it kinda fun, hehe!"

Fate just kinda nodded, not knowing what else to do, as she was dragged to the next few booths, getting progressively more staggering surprises, although she supposed she shouldn't be so disconcerted by now. However, she didn't quite expect to see the next person involved in this, for some reason.

"Vita!"

"On your hands, maggot, and give me 20!" the hammer knight barked to her caller. "I'm gonna get you into shape if it kills you, and it probably will!"

"Unh unh unh unh, oh please, mistress Vita!" the male begged. "I'm such a lazy and unfit slob!"

"Faster, you slime, or you'll be eating Graf Eisen for dinner!" she threatened.

Fate quickly stepped out, deciding not to bother the hammer knight, and Nanoha prepared to take her to her own booth; however, Fate caught a flash of orange at the edge of her vision and she quickly ducked her head into the next booth: [Arf?]

"Are you ready?" the man on the line asked.

"Oh baby, I'm on all fours with my ass in the air, waiting for you!" Arf replied in adult wolf-form. "Give it to me!"

"Here I come!" he declared.

Fate quickly ducked back out before she could hear anymore of that, then closed her eyes and rubbed her temples; she didn't want to know who else was doing this, nor what their conversations were about. But that only meant she bumped into someone.

"Oh, excuse me... Fate?" came the familiar female voice.

Fate opened her eyes. "Mom? What are you doing here?"

Lindy giggled. "I handle the MILF category mainly; so many lonely young men out there, and it gives me a nice warm feeling when an experienced woman like myself can help them out, while also raising money for the children." She smiled and patted Fate's head. "It's good to see you here, you'll have so much fun! Now if you're excuse me, I need to get back to my booth, tata!"

[My own mother...] Fate shuddered when she thought about it, then desperately tried not to.

"And this is my booth," Nanoha was saying as she demonstrated how to sign in. "Yours is the next one right behind me, so you can either watch me for a bit, or move behind and log in if you feel ready."

Fate really wanted to get out of here, unsure if she wanted to listen to Nanoha do something like the last few, but she had already said she would help, and she wasn't quite feeling ready to start on her own.

"Hello, and welcome to 1-900-HOT-ACES," Nanoha welcomed warmly. "How may I be of service to you today?"

Fate was surprised that it was a female caller, although the voice seemed somewhat familiar. "H-hi, I'd like to start by gently kis-"

"Subaru, is that you again?" Nanoha asked, stopping her. "I told you the last two times, that this service is for 18 and up. How did you get by the age verification system?"

"B-but, I'm almost 18!" Subaru whined on the line.

"I'm sorry, but you can call back when we do this fundraiser again next year, okay?" the woman soothed.

"Aww, okaaay..." the cyborg replied, sighing and signing off.

Nanoha laughed. "Callers can also select a specific mage to talk to, although it costs a bit more."

"I see..." Fate said, wondering if someone would specifically call her.

The line dinged again, and Nanoha went into her spiel a second time to greet the person.

"H-hi, Nanoha," the male voice replied.

"Yuuno-kun, wow, this is the tenth time you've called me in the past few days!" Nanoha noted, giggling. "You must really want to do what you can to help those children!"

"Y-yeah, heh, you know me, I really like to help war orphans!" he chuckled back nervously.

"So, the usual again?" Nanoha inquired, continuing when he replied in the affirmative. "Okay, I put on my Barrier Jacket and activate Raging Heart. I begin to cast Lv2 Divine Buster on you."

"I put on my robe and wizard hat..." Yuuno replied.

Fate quickly ducked out of the booth, somehow getting a feeling it wasn't something she wanted to listen in on. She had gotten the basic idea now as she entered her own booth and signed in, selecting the fetishes she thought she could handle, all the while reminding herself that it was for the children.

"I'm not sure if I can even begin to do this..." she spoke her worries aloud.

"Get Set," Bardiche intoned from the back of her hand, giving encouragement.

She blinked at her device, then sighed as her first caller came in, noting the script on her screen made it a bit easier, somehow, as she went through it and introduced herself.

"Hi Fate T. Harlaown, can you abuse a small animal for me?" the nasally-sounding man asked eagerly.

Fate blinked, wondering if she really should have selected the "animal fun" category. "Um, I suppose. What kind of animal?"

"A ferret!" he replied eagerly. "Tell me all about how you'd abuse a ferret!"

"Um, I'd start off by kicking it," Fate replied hesitantly, feeling a bit weirded out.

"Oooh, that's a good start," he encouraged her, to the sound of muffled cloth rustling. "What else?"

"I could choke it's neck next, and then try to pull it apart?" Fate offered. "Set its tail on fire?"

"Oh god yes!" he exclaimed. "And what do we do to people who like ferrets?"

"Yell angrily at them?" Fate suggested. "Make them cry to feel better about ourselves?"

"Aaaaahh!" the man suddenly said, letting out a long moan, then returned to heavy breathing. "Hehe, thank you!"

"You're... welcome..." Fate replied as he signed off. "Well, that wasn't too bad, but these are rather weird people with weird tastes."

"Yes, sir," Bardiche agreed.

Her screen changed again and she went through the routine again, noting with a bit of surprise that she had a female caller this time. Maybe talking to a woman wouldn't be so bad?

"Hello, Fate, I've been wanting to talk to you for a loooong time, hehe," the woman told her cheerfully. "Can you tell me about your relationship with Nanoha?"

[A 'personal details' caller, this should be okay,] Fate noted. "Well, I've known her since my childhood, and we were always very close."

"Ooh, how close were you two?" the woman inquired, beginning to breathe heavier.

"Well, we went to school together, and shared a lot of our memories and happy times together," Fate said, finding herself smiling. Despite the situation, it was kinda nice talking about this.

"And when did you first sleep together?" the woman asked gleefully.

"Well, there was that time after the airport fire, when Hayate, Nanoha, Rein and I were rather tired," Fate answered, recalling, wondering why someone would want to know. "It was cheaper and easier to just get a single room with one bed and pass out. But if you mean Nanoha specifically, we shared a room in the military dorm like everyone else, although ours was a bit nicer since we were Captains."

The female kept pouncing as more lust oozed out. "And how do you touch her?"

Fate scratched her head; this was getting almost as weird as the the first caller. "Well, I hugged her when we were children, and I bumped fists with her to encourage her as we flew into battle. Oh, and she was incredibly upset when her daughter was kidnapped, so I hugged her to comfort her."

"Mmmmmm, yeeesss, that's the stuff I like to hear..." the woman purred. "And you've been naked together, haven't you?"

"Well, yes, I came to like the Japanese bathing system, and Hayate had it put in at Riot Force Six, and Nanoha used it in her house, so we washed or bathed together quite often," Fate told her, wondering how someone got off on these mundane details. "Sometimes Vivio would join us, too, when I stayed over at Nanoha's house."

There was a high-pitched whine echoing around her, and at first Fate thought the equipment had malfunctioned, but then it dropped in volume as the woman recovered and returned to breathing heavily.

"Mmm, thank you very much, Mrs. Fate," the woman said after a minute.

"Oh, you're welcome, but you can drop the Mrs. as I'm not married," Fate informed her.

"Hehe, sure sure, wink wink nudge nudge," the other woman hinted, then signed off.

Fate rubbed her temples, and wondered how she'd get through the rest of the day like this.

Xx~~*~~xX

Author's notes:

Mid-Childa people are kinky!

DISCLAIMER: All the people contained in this fic are purely imaginary and are used for entertainment purposes only. Any references to any persons or events, real or imagined, are purely coincidental.

Also, this author called Hayate AND Shamal... What? It was for the children!

Xx~~*~~xX

Bonus ending:

"Hello, thank you for calling 1-900-HOT-ACES, how may I serve you today?" Nanoha greeted the person on the line pleasantly.

"Hello there to you, too, pretty woman," the suave male voice replied, that seemed a bit familiar, but Nanoha couldn't quite place it.

"Chrono, what are you doing?" came a female voice in the background.

"Nothing, dear!" he called back to her. "Just chatting with an old friend!"

"You're calling that number again, aren't you?" Amy yelled, her voice getting louder to the sound of stomping noises. "I knew it!"

"But it helps the children!" Chrono protested, whining.

"I'll show you what else helps the children, DEAR!" Amy growled.

"Now, honey, put the table down, and let's talk about thi-"

Nanoha blinked as the line went dead. [That was rather odd.]


End file.
